New header image

I’ve decided to use a new image for my header. Yay! Information on it will be updated in About

Beginning of Break

Yay. Summer break. Can you hear my enthusiasm? More importantly can you hear the sarcasm? Not that I don’t enjoy it. Hey, it’s tons better than doing homework and writing papers, but sometimes 3 months is just too long for me to lazy about at home. It makes it all the much harder to get back into the studying mode in the fall. Hopefully my summer won’t be as unproductive as last year. Last year was pretty lousy for me. I was pretty much mopey, lonely, insecure, uncertain, hurt, miserable, sad, depressed and just about unhappy until sometime in August when everything was cleared up. Breaks are a time for break ups and I only wished that came about sooner than later.

Okay, so this summer is already way better because I’m not carrying any emotional burden this time. I also got straight A’s for the spring quarter. hehe. I’m hoping to get a summer volunteer job so that I would at least be productive and get some kind of employment (albeit volunteer work) rather just being a student custodian. I also MUST get a driver’s license. It is not for the sake of my future job opportunities! So currently I have a list of things to do for the summer. Here’s my list…

Summer-Things-To-Do
-Get a volunteer position
-Get a driver’s license
-Read up scientific papers for my Masters’ thesis
-Start on my Masters proposal and an outline of the procedure
-Save up money and hopefully buy a Nikon D80 plus a couple of lenses

I hope that I can most of these things done by the end of this summer. Hmm….about 3 more months of summer to go.

PS: I’m feeling quite angry at this person. It’s not a volcano type of angry but more of like water boiling angry that’s starting to turn into dislike. If you guys understand my metaphor. I already deleted that person from my phone and I’m tempting to on my instant messengers.

Finals and Camera

Finals suck! Take home finals are the worst! ‘Nuff said.

Last weekend was fun. I went to the lilac festival again and to the Lamberton Conservatory. I’ve got tons of great photos of plants. I may change the layout after finals and put up a new picture for the banner. It did take me a lot of tries to get a photograph that I really like, which did made me realize that my simple Fuji F470 digital camera isn’t the best for nice close up nature photos. I do get some good ones but those are mostly just luck in my opinion and quality hasn’t been consistent. Therefore, I asked a friend for her opinion and she suggested to get a Nikon D80 with a 50mm lens. Mad expensive so I’m just going to save up as much as I can in order to get it. Current status: half way there. Haha. I need a job badly.

Busy Weekend = Tears

You would think a busy weekend of activities would make me hyper to write all about it but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It just seems that I’m becoming “emo” “depressed” “unhappy” and whatnot. Seriously, I’m crying here right now and I don’t know why!!! Let’s recap, Friday I worked on my project the whole time until like 9:30pm. Nothing wrong there. Saturday, shopping all day for an outfit to wear in the evening for the Malaysian senior graduates farewell dinner where I emceed. Okay…seemly nothing wrong. Sunday, bird banding in the morning, then Lilac Festival in the afternoon, and then somewhat helping with shopping in the evening. Okay…that’s it. So why am I depressed?!

Since I woke up this morning I’ve been feeling really down and right now I can’t help but cry really really hard. It’s almost this unbearable feeling of loneliness that is crushing down on me and I really just wish I could have a pair of warm arms or warm words to sooth it away. I’ve kind of had this feeling before of thinking of being alone for the rest of my life, not having a husband to love, but I always tell myself that I’m still young and the chance has yet to come and there will other opportunities. But, what if they are all gone now? I’m not wishing to change the past, although there is some wistfulness, but those thoughts would be pointless. I’m just looking at myself and realizing, “what is my happiness?” and “how do I love?” I just feeling I’m been going along with what people expect of me and have yet to really find passion and love in anything, either in work, things or people.

I never had a chance to wear rose-tinted glasses. I was too practical and chose black and gray tinted ones. Now life has not luster and everything is dull. But I can’t remove them and they have chained me down. Someone please throw them away for me so I may see vibrancy and finally soar.

Spring Festival Weekend

Okay, just two days was essentially Spring Festival Weekend coupled with Imagine RIT Festival. So it’s basically this large festival at RIT. I went to the carnival on both Friday and a little bit on Saturday. It was fun but they only had a limited 5 rides. Whoopeeee. *hint sarcasm* The rides were somewhat decent. Most of them were things that spun you around and around to make you sick. Good thing that I didn’t get a lot that day because whatever I did eat came hurling out a couple of hours later. There was one ride that rocked back and forth and turned us completely upside down. I’m so glad that thing had a cage because the first time I was on it I was freaking out with my eyes practically bulging out. I was screaming pretty loud but I think that was more from the adrenaline from riding all of the other rides first. Thankfully the second time I rode it (the next day) I wasn’t screaming. In fact I was laughing along with my partner (two person seater ride) partially at the ride itself and partially at the people next to us screaming. The last of the ride was the ferris wheel. Of course. What kind of self-respecting carnival wouldn’t have a ferris wheel. Seems romantic? Hahah…not. The guy who operated it had the wheel turn around pretty fast so it’s not that gentle up and down movement but something that would make you actually say “wooooah!”

Besides the carnival was the inflatables. But darn it. Little kiddies took over and I couldn’t go on any of them. And BESIDES that…was Imagine RIT. It was pretty cool. There was some performances and some booths that had a bunch of interesting stuff like a Rube Goldberg device, a robotic hotdog machine, an infrared camera that took and printed out my picture, more robots, a remote controlled mini blimp, art stuff, and more! Too bad I didn’t get to explore the whole thing. I missed about a third of it because I spent too long at the bird banding station and then I missed the second third of it because I had to man a booth. Hehe…at least I got to say I contributed to the whole Imagine RIT thing and was part of the program. However, yeah, that left me with only two hours until the end of the event at 4 pm, which is not a whole lot of time because RIT is a whole lot of area to cover and see and experience every event when they are all happening at the same time.

I did manage to go the RIT Drag show. And let me tell you….in the beginning was somewhat okay. Yes, men dressed like women and women dressed like men. The women were scary in how much they look like pretty boy-band style men. Seriously, if I didn’t know they were in drag I was sure they were actually guys! Guys as women…hah….they can’t blend and camouflage that well. Thank goodness. There was also one drag queen whose face I thought looked like Micheal Jackson. Dun. dun. dun. In the second half it started getting a little dirty and traumatizing for me and I left early due to that I had to catch a bus and I just really didn’t want to be there anymore.

PS: I’m just reading around and it seems a lot of people are writing about love and relationships. I wish I had one! But I still don’t want to be with just anyone, it’s just the lonely feeling of not being set to be with someone else who cares deeply for you for the rest of your life. Yeah, yeah, I’ve been told I’m “pretty” or “cute” or “nice” or “kind” but I’m still single. It’s also that feeling of hanging around with people but still being left out in a way or just barely with the group so I still feel alone, kinda like just hanging around by a thread. It’s pretty sad but I’ve been listening to Pachelbel’s Canon D over and over dreaming of finally meeting someone I love who loves me back. Waaaahhh!

Maybe it’s just the season, maybe it’s hormones, maybe it’s just the loneliness feeling, maybe it’s the impatience of waiting or maybe it’s fear. I don’t know. Someone out there. My Mr. Right. Please find me.

MYSA Village Festival

I still so exhausted after all the work put into promoting, selling tickets, decorating and carrying out the MySA (Malaysian Student Association) Village Festival Event. I was MC…haha…yay. I’m telling you being a MC is no easy thing. I was running around making sure for the who were performing when they were up and makes sure that they would be ready when it was time that had to go up. There were also so many last minute changes that we (me and another MC) had to make to our scripts because of certain requests that only so much we can absorb and alter before our dialog started getting choppy. ahhhh….malu syal~~~ Thankfully the entire event was a success. I mean we did run out of tickets and then we had to write down raffle ticket numbers on construction sheets so they would have a chance at the raffling. hehe…. Anyway, here are a couple of videos from the night (PS: These aren’t mine)

Just so you know…I was in the Zapin dance as well. Haha…Malunye!

This event really took its toll on me too. Last night and just right now when I took my nap, I was dreaming about it!!! And it’s funny in a way because I’m remember all these little weird things like Aiman mentioning something along the lines of our outfits being the same color. Right now I’m kinda like, “did he really say it?” To tell you the truth I don’t think I was very aware of what people were saying to me during the event unless it focused on my job as the MC. So, did he say it? I don’t think I’ll ever know.

At least the event was a success and that’s what really matters. I was talking to Kelli today and she said like this year’s event a lot better than the one we had last year. Whoo! I think the format of having booths with activities, food, and performances are so much better than essentially dinner and a show. Truthfully I also kinda like being an MC because I didn’t have anything to do for my regional booth so as MC not only did I have to talk to the crowd but I was kept busy between then with other stuff like helping with the PRs. I just like the feeling of being productive (even though I tend to down-talk myself).

EDIT:
Better Zapin video. hehehe

Now you can see my mistakes much more clearly.

PS: Life’s complicated. At least my love life that is. I’m really trying to move on and at least my feelings have lessen a lot since then. It’s just hard. Dang it!. It’s just hard when I have a crush on someone else but realize the amount of care and how much I like my crush still isn’t as quite as strong as my old crush. I suppose the old crush is going to have to be my bar standard. Perhaps when I can care for another man stronger than this person is when I’ll know I’m in love. Then again…I wish I didn’t have to have a bar standard. And it’s not like I want this person to be anything more than a friend either. I miss having him as a close friend and after a long time of practically no contact, I think the feelings are arising more as “missing my close friend” kind of feeling more than anything and it’s just carrying some residual stuff. He’s the only person that I can really have a banter with at RIT. Although right now, I do enjoy the banters that I have with Umar, which are different and more fun (hehehe), it’s just there’s only so much banter that can be done online with Umar all the way in Syracuse.

Right now, I really wish I didn’t have any of this. I don’t want to ruin our friendship because that’s the most important thing and I want to move on to someone else and be VERY happy with MY Mr. Right . It’s just a matter of time right? In the words of Umar, “be strong n move on,” (n was there purposely for “and” ~ sms). I’m just still waiting for that right person who loves me and that I love in return. It hasn’t happen yet. Maybe I’ll live the rest of my life or whatever is left of it as an old maid.

Allah, I can only accept the fate that You give me.

Color Test

hehehe….I took the five minute color test! It’s scary how some things seem so accurate and then there’s just some things that are pretty off. Check out my results and get yours too!

Diyana took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!“Tries to escape from her problems, difficulties, a…” Click here to read the rest of the results.

Anime Mode!

I found this site where I can watch anime online and the quality is pretty good too. It’s all free but there’s a limit to how many you can watch and you need “fever coins”. Click on the banner below to let me earn some fever coins and watch some more anime. hehe.

Health Pyramid

Hehe….I just loved the picture so much that I just had to make it as my banner. I think it looks a lot better than the last don’t ya think?

Right now I’m so stressed with a lot of work and exams and stuff. I just don’t seem to have enough energy and time to do all the things needed to do. At the same time…I can’t help but slack a bit because I don’t have the energy, which thus makes me stress even more about work, which I have to spend doing, which causes me to lose more energy and thus…it’s a whole positive feedback system. Okay, it’s a lousy one and a poor excuse. Right now I’m just exhausted on my physical, mental and emotional levels. All three points on the health pyramid! That’s not good! By the way, did anyone else actually learned about the health pyramid in middle/high school health class?

It’s actually more of a triangle than a pyramid and you need all three to be strong and healthy or life is off balanced essentially. Therefore, since all three points of health for me are exhausted I supposed my health is on the verge of collapsing now. Huhuhu. I need Prozac or Zyrtec.

Sugar Hill Maple Trip!

Yes, finally a picture post! Haha!! Yesterday I went on the Maple tour trip held by Rochester International Council. It was basically a pancake breakfast and trail hike at the Cummings Nature Center where they make maple syrup.

Hehe…I don’t have a picture of the center where we went but here are the signs to the trails. My left leg looks weird.

Aishah and Diyana (tee hee…same name) looking at the sap dripping into the bucket.

Adilah and I trying to push the plow. PUSH! PUSH!

At the sugar house where they boil the sap into syrup with (left to right around me) Aishah, Diyana, Sakina, and Adilah. I look like such a little kid in the front and center.

One of my favorite pictures that I took

Another one of my favorites!

Of course, I can’t go on a hike without hugging at least one tree, or at least in this case, cuddling.